We’re currently on holiday! Our first ever family holiday! The first time I’ve taken the baby away for the night (4 nights actually) and had to have everything he needed! Yes, I am responsible for an entire human being, a defenceless dependant who can’t remind me to pack enough nappies and wipes or to take a spare sleeping bag – I had to think of everything! And I mean everything! The only reason I didn’t pack our kitchen sink is because we’re in a caravan and I knew they had one (although at one point I did panic that maybe the sink would be too small to wash bottles! What the fuck would I do then?)
Anyway, my point is that apart from the dog, I’ve never been responsible for anyone before, so this is a huge step in my life and as such I really, really wanted it to be perfect. I wanted my little family to come away with lasting, magical memories of our first holiday as a trio. So I did what I’ve been doing since the day my little boy was born, I put loads of pressure on myself to be perfect.
The reason I’m writing this post is to remind myself (and others, if anyone’s reading!) to not worry so much. It’s our last night of holiday tonight and looking back through the photos (like the one at the top) made me see that life is never perfect. It’s not a picture postcard. The funniest and lovliest moments of this holiday have been the mistakes, the bloopers, for want of a better word. I’ve taken about a million photos, 99% of which feature the side or the back of my baby’s head! Not because he’s being naughty but because I want to take a picture of him in front of a beautiful seascape or sunset and he just wants to look at it and experience it! That’s what I should have been doing! Experiencing it with him, not taking more fucking photos!
So, because of this one terrible photo which made me laugh and remember that moment with him, I’m going to take away more memories than photos in the future. I’m going to realise that my family love me when I’m relaxed and drinking in the moments with them.
Having my family was the best thing I’ve ever done. I’m going to accept that I’m not perfect but that my best is good enough and my family are loved and happy. And if every photo from now on has someone randomly turning the wrong way, closing their eyes or sneezing, well…. that’s alright with me.