So right now, I’m sitting up in bed sipping a (decaf) tea. The house is calm and pretty tidy and well organised to be honest. This little tripod I belong to works like a well oiled machine. My wonderful man is acceptably domesticated, my gorgeous toddler is becoming increasingly self sufficient and Mummy actually gets a full nights sleep, some time for individual pursuits and some freedom to boot. But, as I glance to my right and see the brand new Moses basket on it’s chic grey stand, made up with brand new bedding that I’ve lovingly washed I’m reminded that all is about to change.
Baby number 2 has been loading for what feels like an eternity! It hasn’t helped that this time round I’ve had Gestational Diabetes and had to carry him through the longest and hottest heatwave since the mid 70’s, so this pregnancy has been considerably harder than the first. Not to mention the first was pure joy, just excitement and anticipation, this one has been pure worry most of the time! Not just the extra complications but we’ve done this before, we know how hard it’s going to be! We know we’ll get more than a little annoyed with our partner, that we’ll loose like 6 months of sleep in the first year and that it’s going to cost an absolute fortune for the privilege! On top of that we’ve got the guilt that we were just at a stage when the first born was getting a routine and a lifestyle where we could afford to do lots with him, bond lots with him and now, all that will change too. Right now he has our undivided attention but soon, our time will be split and I have no idea what that will do to him or my relationship with him.
Despite these big, scary questions, feelings of guilt and “are we doing the right thing” this second baby is very much wanted and longed for. Our first was delivered with relative ease via a spontaneous labour but this one is being induced tomorrow and this is our first experience of counting down to an actual delivery date. For me, it’s much more intimidating knowing that tomorrow our family goes from “fun couple with a kid” to “has to mobilise like a military operation just to leave the house” I’m terrified of the induction process and stories about how painful it is, but it has to be done and like every insulin injection baby’s needed on this journey too, I’ll just have to get on with it and do it. And I will. Because despite being busy with a toddler and a job and worrying about my first born and feeling guilty and greedy for wanting two gorgeous babies instead of just the one I already have, I know I love this little man even before he’s here.
So, we’ll see everyone on the other side, when 3 becomes 4, hopefully with lots of smiles and a positive (quick) induction story too. But until then I’m going to enjoy my last ever day at home as part of this little tripod and try not to be too sentimental about it. 💙